Movie 43 (2013)

Director: Steven Brill, Steve Carr and more

Writer: Rocky Russo, Jeremy Sosenko and more

Starring: Richard Gere, Live Schreiber, Naomi Watts, Kate Winslet, etc.

Rated: R (strong pervasive language, crude and sexual content including dialogue, graphic nudity, language, some violence and drug use)

Not many movies piss me off, but this movie just rubbed me the wrong way. Tell me, have you even heard of Movie 43? You may be tempted by the all-star cast but please, for your own sake, don’t see it. Why? Because it’s not even a movie! Seriously, it a compilation of approximately five minute-long skits that are so unbelievably stupid I honestly find it hard to believe that adults created them. The humor is gross and offensive and pretty much all of the characters suck. Those who don’t (meaning those who aren’t complete assholes) are screwed over by the jerks and the viewer then just loses all faith in the movie as a whole.

Now I understand why someone might be intrigued by this movie. I mean it’s got a great cast and the tagline is: “What is Movie 43.” But before you ignore my advice and go see it, let me just give you an idea of what you would be getting yourself into: elementary level humor, for example a woman (Ana Faris) asking her husband (Chris Pratt) to literally take a dump on her, which is supposedly a way of showing his affection. (Wtf??) You’ll also get a hint of sexism in a skit about Richard Gere’s character’s invention of the iBabe, which is, as you might have been able to guess, an iPod only in the shape of a life sized naked woman. Oh and then you’ve got the just plain disturbing story of Naomi Watts and Liev Schreiber who homeschool their teenage son; the “comedic” twist being that in order to give him the typical social experience one might have in high school they feel the need to humiliate the crap out of him. It’s not funny. There’s also the story of the basketball coach who’s idea of encouraging his team is to tell them that they’ll win because of the fact that they’re black and Kate Winslet’s blind date with the guy (Hugh Jackman) with a scrotum on his neck. A SCROTUM ON HIS NECK. I can’t believe this is the crap we’re stuck watching in 2015…

Now if that’s all your type of humor then good for you, go see the movie. Just please don’t mind me saying that I have no idea how someone could genuinely laugh at all of the random and messed up shit that happens in this movie. And in case you’re wondering – like I was – how all of these talented people ended up in Movie 43, they were literally bribed. I’m not kidding. The brilliant mind behind this piece of shit filmed Kate Winselt and Hugh Jackman’s skit and then used the fact that they were in the movie to get other actors to sign on. It snowballed from there and thus…the worst movie I’ve ever seen was created.

One last thing that I have to mention is that one of the creators of the movie explained in an interview that people nowadays have extremely short attention spans and he thinks that Movie 43 is the type of movie we would enjoy. Excuse the language but fuck you too, dude. That’s like the “polite” way of saying that you don’t respect me, or anyone, as a viewer of your movies – or really any movie ever– so thanks for that.

Alright please for the love of God don’t see this. It is, without a doubt, the worst movie I’ve ever seen (if you can even call it a movie) and it does NOT deserve your time or money!